Experiencing a sense of inauthenticity and the emotional pull associated with “being who we believe we are not” when trying to change is something almost all of us will face once the decision to change has been made and the congruent actions implemented.

The letter below was sent in response to an email I received from a client who was struggling with the fact that he was successfully implementing the changes needed to profoundly and positively impact his life but was feeling as if the whole thing was as he described it a “feign.” (Identity is concealed to protect the innocent.)

Feign (fan) v  1.a. To give a false appearance of:  b. pretend to:
American Heritage Dictionary

The Reply:

You know the saying, “fake it ‚Äòtil you make it.”¬† In many ways there is truth to this statement‚Ķ the “feign” as you call it is new to you. All of what you are experiencing right now is NEW to you; a different approach to how to live your life. You chose to explore the NEW because there was something (maybe many things) that was not satisfactory to you before‚Äîthat “wasn’t good enough.”

The feign you are experiencing is natural and normal. Your exploration on the NEW road you are on is not the path of least resistance. It is not the shortest distance from A to B. Succeeding on this NEW road (and in every account you are) means the death of the old and the ego has a hard time dealing with that.

Why? Because for years you have created a model about yourself, of who you are and for the last 5 or so weeks you have cracked this model and shed light on the idea that you are something more. Your ego (the resistance, in this case) is whispering in your ear and pointing out that your NEW actions are inauthentic— “this isn’t who you are.”¬† Understand that your ego is trying to protect you, at the same time it is sabotaging you ‚Äì and for the same reason it FEARS change.

All that you are feeling right now is why the diet industry is some $11 billion per year. It’s that 6-8 week mark– that little inner voice, your ego shouting, “who the hell do you think you are? You lost 20 pounds, that’s enough. Sleep in‚Ķ have another piece of cake you deserve it, you’ve been working hard… two days at the gym is good enough this week‚Ķ”

This shuts you down, takes you off course from the goal and confirms what your ego knew to be right all along, “I’ve tried everything, it must be my genetics, I’m big boned, I cannot lose the weight and keep it off, I was never very athletic anyway.”

NOW IS THE TIME to step in front of the mirror and shout back, “THAT’S BULLSHIT!!” To continue succeeding on this NEW road you need to create a new identity for yourself even if for a week or two you have to “fake it.” Feigning this new guy you want to be is creating a new pathway of neurons in your brain, yes rewiring your brain to be WHO YOU WANT TO BE. It is your alignment of your beliefs and your values of this new guy that will fight the resistance as it appears.

You are more than who you think you are AND even more than that‚Ķ still‚Ķ. even more than that. You started this journey, this NEW road, knowing this to be true on some level otherwise you wouldn’t have started it in the first place– now prove the other half of you right!

Pick yourself up, pat yourself on the back, and have a KILLER week!!!!!!!
I’m proud of you, and of whom you are becoming.

End reply:

Your Thoughts — How does this resonate with what you are experiencing?